\archives
\Singapore Taekwondo Online
\tkdtutor
\guestbook
inuyasha
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
fuck. i know u care. but why does your care hurt so much. fuck. daddy God. ur grace and love and mercy. i need it more than ever more. i know u've blessed me bountifully and the blessings are ever flowing from my heart where u reside in.
10:26 p.m.bottled memories
Monday, November 28, 2005
does morphing into someone or something else means chanigng ur lifestylwe or a positive change or negative change in someone else but u are just changing into someone else not being uniquely ur own of where u truly belong and stuff argh wad am i talking about but in the world wad if its true, wad if it really means that you cant b successful w/o morphing into one of the superpowers in the world? thats y i love mammoninc book so much it speaks volumes on how singaporeans view the western view the superpower view the influencial how the influential can really change ur lifestyle as that guy said during the job training psychological manipulation is a really effective thing like tdy's match the stupid girl harps on not playing cos i play too rough then im afraid of making any one angry b/c i dont like ah lians fuck fuck fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11 i wish to rest in you daddy God. i wanna rest in your Love in your work cos i know you'll guide me help me with your mercy and love for all ur children i know i know i wanna rest in u lord let your great work unfold!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
10:42 p.m.bottled memories
Sunday, October 30, 2005
WHATEVER i dont need friends like you. tired of trying to please you and you treating me like i owe u you think i owe u cos ure popular wadsoever hais wadever la i dont care le dont wanna care about you try standing up and tolerating friends u consider friends for once okay. not everyone is perfect. tts wad u call friends. and i wonder y do u always go for guys as best friends????????? cos they dont bitch back about u hor.
okay forget it.
09:11 a.m.bottled memories
Saturday, October 15, 2005
HE OFFERED TO TREAT ME LUNCH.
i rejected.
cos he's gg to treat me cos the group not there he's late for meeting and stuff.
oh my.
shld i b happy?
im not.
i feel........cheated.
maybe cos u think a lunch will make it all go away that everyone's irresponsible.
no way.
alright fine.
but u make me realise again how nice a person you are
and tahts y i started to like you
please dont let me go through this again.
cos i dont wanna
now my main aim is to earn as much $$$$$
main aim: more money.
next: to gain my parent's approval.
fook.
11:13 p.m.bottled memories
Thursday, October 13, 2005
the person you cared most in the world will b the only one that can make youp cry with only a few harsh words just a few disgraced words it'll make you fall from the higest level to the lowest starting from the beginning ground zero again. i know about it already. please stop. i dno but i've been feeling a bit slacked in the mind, unfocused and unchanged. and i dont feel like myself. im doing everything that i like watching loads of mushy stupid ouxiangjus losing myself in them but then i realised i lose all my analysis all my depth (if i had any) i lost the sense and will to think anymore. i think its qte stupid for me to think this way but i honestly feel that (with the bottom of my heart) that im losing it.
a focus? but honestly sometimes i dont like gathering the guys to play with them i just feel uncomfortable. dont like it. oh heck wad the shit i dno wad im doing losing my focus papa is right but my pride stands in the way i will never admit to it and im the one steering the arguement away from the subject and then losing myself in the stupid show habits dont change do they. 10:32 p.m.bottled memories
Tuesday, October 4, 2005
dont wanna use my hands to write have been writing non stop for the past few days till my hands are qte numb typing this out hais i thot it has faded away but it hasnt saw her testi then my mind just went blank dno y suddenly there is a rush of emotions really felt qte upset i think i still cling on w/o knowing but i know its not clinging on cos i really dont but when i saw that it just shattered into a million more pieces when it has already billions more to piece it back. now it has more repair to do to it already i think im exaggerating but oh wells. i wish there were exams everyday so i wont think so much and the matter on friends wont bother me too. have been thinking about that cy clique in my class realise my wavelength totally different from them they are not the sort i will confide in when im in trouble they are there for bitching and fun but not lasting friendship i think then i wonder wad holds them together when i see such a person like cy among them okay maybe im biased but somehow i realyl dont understand cy and how she can b such a person. ppl do things for her she dont thank a person when she want sth she snatch it away effing rude conceited and selfish maybe she see these traits in me but at least i thank a person properly after they do sth for me. effing effing #$&@#$%^ irritated oh well these thots just drift away come and go never staying long but the feelings do stay in me qte long.
hais YOU i when that YOU can get off my mind. thot im DONE nd OVER with YOU but i think it needs more time or a better guy to come over and rescue me from this misery. 12:28 a.m.bottled memories
Friday, September 30, 2005
OKAY GIRL.
GOTTA REMIND MYSELF. AFTER PROMOS CAN PLAY LIKE DNO WAD LE. PLEASE GO AND STUDY STOP PLAYING ARGHHHHHHHHHHH CANNOT CONCENTRATE.
AFTER PROMOS I CAN PLAY WADEVER I WANT NOW PUT IT OFFFIRST REMIND MYSELF CONSTANTLY. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE GOT FRIGGING A LOT OF DO!!!!!!!!! 07:09 p.m.bottled memories
Saturday, September 24, 2005
there's so many thigns that i wanna sayy but i cant say it in my public blog i guess the public's blog more of my happy side that i wanna show the world julian kept asking abuot HIM ytd but i refdused to tell him i feel kinda bad cos he's been telling me about his own problem when i wanna know but now he wanna know and i guess its just cos i dont like telling ppl about wads gg inside me i think it sucks to have so many ppl knowing wads gg on in side i think i dont like it!!! wld they turn away from me and hate me when they know that im not always the happy person that i am? mrs tan knows i guess but she's lik 30 with a second child to boot i looked at her family they are so happy i wish i was like that the same person inside out and i need not hide from anyone my different sides in me SO EMOTIONALS!! i cannot take it cannot think so much promos coming having hallucinations that i'll start crying when i get my failed subjects back. hais better start bucking up depressed i dont like my parents having contradicting sides it sucks!!!!! its like having a hypocritical side to them one they nag when i dont do enough and then when i was studying they will start asking do i want ji jing and stuff ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH FUCK YOU LA I DONT WANT THOSE FUK FUK FUK FUK. im so vulgar i dont care anymore. ARGHHHHHHHHHHH 12:44 p.m.bottled memories
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
its not like i didnt tell them my reasons for doing up another draft. fine the whole group's against me already la. okay maybe im selfish or wad. i think i gotta do it up again myself. add on the relevant stuff let them see tmr. SHOW THEM. wtf i dno wads wrong. WE AGREED. I VOICED OUT WAD I THINK AND WHY I THINK WE SHLD RUSH A BIT. HELLO. NOT LIKE, EVERYDAY YOU SLEEP A BIT ONLY??
AND YOU HAVE THE WHOLE FREAKING WEEKEND TO DO?
GOT ANY QUERIES CALL LA FUCK IT. WHY WHY WHY. 09:26 p.m.bottled memories
Thursday, August 11, 2005
YOU KNOW HOW FUCKING ALONE I FEEL ALL THE TIME YOU KNOW YOU CAN THROW YOUR OWN TANTRUMS NOBODY WILL TAKE NOTICE OF YOU THE NEXT DAY B/C NO ONE KNOWS YOU KNOW I HAVE TO FACE THOSE SHIT STUFF ALONE EVERY SINGLE DAY JUST B/C OUR SO CALED COMMUNICATION WHICH NEVER EVEN EXISTED SINCE I WAS KINDERGARDEN NEVER EVEN WORKED BEFORE?????? YOU KNOW THATS WHY YOU DONT KNOW A SINGLE SHIT ABOUT ME AND THATS WHY YOU ALWAYS THINK IM GOING ASTRAY OR WHATSOEVER AND THROW YOUR FUCKING TANTRUMS ALL THE TIME AND MAKING YOURSELF LOOK SO PITIFUL AND ME FUCKING SELFISH ALL THE TIME. IM SO ALONE IN THIS FUCKED UP WORLD I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO I HAVE TO FACE ALL THE SHIT TMR IN THE MORNING I PRAY TO GOD THAT PLEASE DONT LET IT BE BIG COS I FUCKING DONT WANNA THINK ABOUT IT ANYMORE YES I HONESTLY ADMIT THAT MY PRIDE IS HURT AND WHOLE REPUTATION IS RUINED AND MY PLANS TO STAY THE WAY I WAS IN SCHOOL IS UTTERLY DESTROYED BY YOUR NEED TO THROW YOUR FUCKING TANTRUM AND SHOUT OUT EVEYRTHING THAT I DID BEFORE YOU KNOW WHY I CRIED I CRIED B/C I FEEL HURT YES AND B/C YOU DONT PICK ON WHAT I DO AT THE PRESENT TO CORRECT ME BUT YOU PICK AT THE PAST WHICH HAPPENED FUCKING EONS AG WHICH YOU 'CLAIM' THAT YOU FORGAVE ME ABOUT IT ALREADY YOU FUCKING LIED. 07:41 p.m.bottled memories
Tuesday, August 2, 2005
I CANT FREAKING SMILE IN FRONT OF YOU ITS SO DAMN HARD TO B MYSELF CANT YOU SEE STOP INDULGING IN WHAT YOU'RE GOING THRU IN LIFE COS IM GOING THRU LIFE TOO LIFE'S A PIECE OF SHIT SO CAN YOU JUST UNDERSTAND IM RIDING THIS FUCKING ROLLARCOASTER THRU DIFFERENT JOURNEYS?
MAL SAID IM ALWAYS SMILING IN SCH, WITH MY FRIENDS. WHY. WHY WHY CANT I SMILE AS EASILY AS I DO AT HOME WHEN IM WITH MY FRIENDS N SCH WHY CANT I SMILE. WHY WHY WHY. YOU KNOW WHAT I HONESTLY THINK THAT ITS JUST YOU. UNREASONABLE. IRRESPONSIBLE AND SELFISH. I HATE ALL PARENTS. WHEN I B/C ONE I THINK I'LL START HATING MYSELF TOO. YOU KNOW WHAT. I JUST REALISED WHY PEOPLE ARE SO FREAKING CONCERNED ABOUT DEATH. YOU KNOW WAD. BECOS PEOPLE ARE AFRAID OF DEATH THATS WHY THEY SHOW CONCERN FOR THE DEAD. BECOS IN THE END EVERYONE WOULD HAVE TO FACE THE SAME ENDING. AND SAY GOODBYE TO THEIR LIVING SELFS AND END THEIR STORY ON EARTH. GAWD IM JUST SO PARANIOD THESE DAYS HAVE I AGED THAT MUCH? MAL SAID I GIVE THE OLD VIBES. GAWD. I HATE YOU FOR NOT MAKING MY DAYS AT HOME SOMEWHERE I CAN RELAX. YOU KNOW THE ONLY PLACE I SEEK SOLITUDE AND REST IS WHEN IM SLEEPING. ITS WHEN I WALK INTO MY DREAMS AND PUT REALITY ON HOLD.
I STILL CANT FORGIVE YOU FOR NOT MAKING MY SMILE AT HOME. GUESS WHEN YOU GO PARENTS MEETING SESSION, YOU'RE GOING TO PUT ME DOWN FURTHER. YOU KNOW WAD. I LEARNT NOT TO CARE. FARK. THEN WHY AM I GETTING SO WORKED UP? INJUSTICE?
YOU KNOW WAD. GP TEACHER SAID STH LIKE JUSTICE IS ONLY VIEWED FROM A 3RD PARTY'S VIEW AND NOTHING IS TURLY RIGHT EVEN WITH THE SO CALLED JUSTICE. ONLY THE DO-ERS WOULD KNOW THE ABOSULTE TRUTH ITS WHETHER THEY ARE WILLING TO ACT ACCORDING TO THEIR CONSICOUSNESS. I HATE YOU. 09:54 p.m.bottled memories
Monday, July 18, 2005
to make a paper mache glue link
to mak the pinata! link
10:28 a.m.bottled memories
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
i cant help but to still like you you make my day so well that even if it rains i'll still b happy that ive got a chc just one small chc to see you talk to you knw you ahhhhhhhh! thot its over but its not wad the hell i think its just my wishful hopes getting on too high already 12:36 p.m.bottled memories
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
been rather productive with math studying in sch w bbgtians haah lovably and cute haha and wy joined us on mon i think cant rmb time is passing by like a blur and its nearing wed leaving only 5 days to mug finish i think im dead. and just near this critical point im pondering about things yet again hoepfully the shelter finishes soon i hate walking past thsoe workers when i have to go to sch so disgusting if you know wad i mean if you dont too bad just come to me and i'll start complaining omg they talked to me tdy wanted to ignore but in the end just felt a bit rude cos i was in my own little world thn they disrupt it by talking to me ugh i feel a bit violated next time maybe to lose more weight i'll just walk the long way round rather than thru the front gate if they continue to work there.
oh ya finally checked out sarongpartygirl.blogspot.com i think she's a really strong n smart girl to come up with all those stuff and i mean strong as in like, she's able to take wad reality is instead of singapore's want to liberate but still unable to mentality in stride she rocks ahha great stuff other than the sex haha oh ya went back st nicks band camp shit stil havent gotten my o level cert im dead better get it after midyrs anyway noms are damn long man! they're really v adventurous with the sight reading ahha thn it ended so late that me n iggie got locked out thn gotta ask uncle to help us unlock the gate for us to go home. oh well i think i better get some work done but im so exhausted these few days just feel like sleeping and sleeping! dont even feel like eating lar thn jsut force food down my throat so unhealthy something wrong with me! 06:19 p.m.bottled memories
Wednesday, June 8, 2005
im a bitchay girl. cant stand myself. sometimes. i guess. argh. im fat too. damn this is one degrading piece of entry which i dont wish that the whole world wld see on my other blog so now im here. guess i dont wish to talk to u anymore life is much tamer now by myself i guess? no more late night talking, no more outings, no more wandering arounds in malls and town. no more. i guess. and no more icecreams? i guess. i dont miss those days. just thinking back and oh i've done this been there done that. nothing to think about i guess. i dont wish to call you dont wish you to call me please dont i guess im afraid of you? i dno. find it weird. find you weird. that turns me away from you i think thats how lucky you dont have this password or no idea that i have this blog so i can only pray to God that either you change or i change or that i bugger off from your life. 12:40 p.m.bottled memories
Monday, June 6, 2005
its so numb i cant feel anymore. but y do tears keep falling? does it really matters that much? i dno. im so confused some one save me from this mayhem. my life's perfect? my life's wonderful? yes your life's as wonderful as mine if u stop thinking in ur own selfish deluded mind. i dont care anymore. i dont give a damn about you anymore, if thats wad u want me to do. i think u did wanted me to for a long time. well as for today 6 june 2005, i let you go. i dont give a damn anymore. it doesnt hurt letting it go. i dont give a damn anymore. dont give a damn. 09:00 p.m.bottled memories
Saturday, May 28, 2005
I AM SO IRRIATED OMG I CANT STAND MY GP PPL SMTIMES ARGH THEY ARE UNBELIEVABLELY UGHHHHHHHH JUST UGHHHHHHHH CANT STAND IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 11:31 p.m.bottled memories
Saturday, May 21, 2005
STOP ACTING MISERABLE COS ITS SO SICKENING. the tears that u shed is becoming a routine. the impact it used to have it gone. wad's the use of crying n using energy in such a way to vent the burdens on your shoulders on us? wad gave u the right to do that to us? wad selfishness have u learnt from being in sch, being in that cca that u pride so much to b in it and get promoted all the time? wad gave u the right to think in that way even if u excel in school? wad gave u the right to make that move? i hate you to the core for wad u did to her and it hurts to make me hate you so much in this way. i pray you'll stop this nonsense and give up, cos life is never gonna wait for you and turn it into a path that you'd like to take, and i hope u'll understand tt one day.
just nd someone to hold me close, safe me from this madness. this feeling, this need amplifies whenever i see that garden of flowers, seeing how the sun magnifies the beauty of nature, how the rain compliments with the colours. argh i cant help it cant say it out loud or clear have to resort to this meaningless metaphors to blog out my frustrations. sigh. but somehow this patch of weed just sprouted out in the garden, fighting its way out with teh flowers. changing my perceptions of the garden. the flowers. the sun and the rain. changing everything slowly. wad am i to do?
random rubbish argh my english is deproving tremendously. i need to blog in perfect english. the last general paper eassy test was a disaster. i just scraped through without thinking consisely and clearly on wad i really wanted to say. this really sucks.
this cry out in this secret (well not so secret anymore) blog came from pure randomness, anotehr facade in my personality, just another passing phase. (i hope.) 11:52 a.m.bottled memories
Saturday, May 7, 2005
walao eh. kaos different environemtn and people, maybe. and maybe different backgrounds or just cos they are pure lazy...even lazier than me. all talk no actions. MAN. buay tahan 02:44 p.m.bottled memories
Sunday, April 24, 2005
ITS SO PAINFUL TO THINK ABUOT IT. IT STILL HURTS. I WAS JUST DECIEVING MYSELF TO THINK I WAS STRONG I WASNT WEAK AND IVE SORTED MYSELF OUT I THINK I DID BUT IT STILL HURTS DAMN MUCH.
IS IT PRIDE IS IT JUST ME? I DNO I JUST WISH THAT IT DIDNT HAPPEN TO ME I JUST WANT THINGS TO BACK TO THE WAY THINGS WERE SO I WONT B HURTING SO MUCH
IS MY HURT ALSO ANOTHER OF MY DISILLUSION N ME TRYING TO DELUDE MYSELF I HAVE NO IDEA AT ALL
I REALLY WANNA SAY THIS FOUR LETTER WORD BUT SOMEHOW THERES NOT MORE CHANCE FOR ME TO SAY ANYMORE. NO MORE.EVER MORE.
JUST TELL ME WHY. JUST TELL ME. ANY SIGN OR SIGNAL TO TELL ME WHY THIS HAPPENS TO ME ALL THE TIME? ONCE TWICE ALRIGHT BUT WHY MUST IS HAPPEN ALL THE TIME DAMNIT
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
HURTS SO DAMN MUCH SO MUCH THAT THERE'S NTH NO ONE CAN DO SAYING IT OUT ONLY DRIVES THE KNIFE IN MY HEART DEEPER INTO THE WOUND IVE TRIED TELLING 3 PEOPLE ALR BUT NO USE NO HELP AT ALL DAMN. HURTS SO DAMN MUCH. 11:52 p.m.bottled memories
Thursday, April 14, 2005
to live like you were dying haha i think im getting along in my sch much beta i think aha thinking about fingernail a lot these days ahah i think d fg changed a lot? a lto to the beta and i always see d fg sparkling shining mroe than usual? its kinda strange lar. i think. haha not realy used to it and tdy's horoscope oops i knw im not supposed know it but still its kinda accurate but not accurate in a sense tt its accurate in wad I WANT IT TO HAPPEN, not wad WOULD happen haha you get wad i mean? lols yeahh so im still hoping and waiting for the day d fingernail wld shine and sparkle only for me. (:
kiss me, out on the beaded barley
hold me right out in the moonlit sky.
hahah tts some random song lyrics i suddenly had in my head from six pence none the richer i wanted to put dsong up on my other blog but i cldnt find it so oh wells who cares aha was singing in d class tdy w amanda lols she's sucha cute girl! :D 06:02 p.m.bottled memories
Sunday, March 13, 2005
I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
ahha dont ask me y but i feel like saying it out loud now. (: to yiwen! yibo! delfine! jiang lai! 05A4C ppl! clique! bball j1s!
I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOUUU.
and..
to a certain someone, PLEASE dont send out the wrong signals. i dont wanna get my hopes too high. then it'll come crashing down once again. i'll get hrut once more. get cut. and if u wanna know, the previous wound havent healed so yea, if u want to cut into wound and leave me a deeper scar, and later come crying for me again, PLEASE LEAVE ME AND STAY AWAY REALLY FAR RIGHT NOW.
hahas havent been blogging here often. too much i wanna say to the world? lols
have been feeling REALLY anti-social these days. dno y. damn 11:26 a.m.bottled memories
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
THERE IS SO MUCH I WANNA SAY BUT I DONT WANNA. I THINK IM THINKING TOO MUCH ALREADY. BUT I SEROUSLY HOPE IT WONT TURN OUT THE WAY MY HUNCH THINKS IT WOULD BE. PLEASE I DONT WANNA MEET WITH THESE KINDA SITUATION. I TOLD SY BEFORE IM NOT READY FOR SUCH THINGS TO BE HAPPENING AND I DONT WANT. SHITS. SO STRESSED UP. ARGH. 02:48 p.m.bottled memories
Sunday, February 13, 2005
WAD IF I DONT WANNA GET CLOSE TO U. WAD IF I DONT WANNA EXTEND OUR FSHIP FURTHER THAN WAD IT IS NOW??
I DONT WANT THIS TO GET COMPLICATED COS I KNOW WAD KIND OF PERSON SHE IS.
Y CANT U GO TO HER URSELF INSTEAD OF THRU ME?
I DONT WANNA KNOW UR PERSONAL STUFF.
GET AWAY FROM ME!! 09:42 a.m.bottled memories
Friday, January 21, 2005
i hate it when i start to think too much. i get too emotional n sensitive. argh. and now i get misunderstandings too. boo. i'm a total loser.
talked to sy abt her conversation with d. ): i had goosebumps all over my hands when i heard abt it. arghhhhhh. i'm so mixed up. 09:49 p.m.bottled memories
Saturday, January 15, 2005
i feel terribly pained. ): i dno y. whenever i get onto e bus to nyjc i just feel a moment o panic, n thn my heart will start racing till i reach e sch gate or sth. still not used to being arnd w guys n the culture o nyjc. ): but found some friends! yayy. haha but they're mainly girls. among e guys i know within or out o my OG i can only click with 2. this is too weird. hahah.
i love delfine sosososo much! haha finally went out w her yest. (: talked a load o rubbish n wel basically shopped..sth which we hadnt done for centuries. hahaha 07:12 a.m.bottled memories
Saturday, January 8, 2005
new year! orientation over! omg. so much have changed. and i always get pangs to go back stnicks. i miss life in st nicks a lot! i miss an all-girls environment! it's much more carefree n happy thn a co-ed..i think. cos all girls u dont have restrictions..constraints to hold on to whn guys are arnd ur midst. worse thing is i'm abt to b exposed to the world of girl-boy relationships agn. one reason y i chose all girls in my pri sch choice selections was to get rid of that probs n stuff i had in pri sch..now i'm back to tt world..it feels very awkward. argh.
i dno how to interact with guys w/o giving ppl e wrong impression. i dno how to interact with girls not being n a same sex sch as i am cos the mutual freindship is different. and i dno how to open up myself to ppl within only a wk. its so tough. rahhh
i miss deyijiang. omg. i miss them so so much. 10:29 p.m.bottled memories
Friday, December 31, 2004
finally finshed packing the stupid room my parents made a mess out of it. and they want me to clean up after them! sheesh. argh. seems like i cant go into the new year w/o being sick. still have stupid flam in my lungs (?) and just realised why i had muscle ache on my tummy..cos i'd been coughing and coughin and sneezing till the muscles hurt. lol wad a way to exercise man. hahaha.
feeling a bit anxious now cos i DONT KNOW HOW TO COOK NUGGETS. argh. and i'm in charge of them somehow?? jeez. help me?? arghh.
want to make a new layout for the new year but seems like i'm behind time to make one. think i'll make it tmr. waa. so fast tmr's the first day of the new year and TODAY'S the last day. wow.. 10:32 a.m.bottled memories
Thursday, December 30, 2004
i dno. but i just have a thing for ichigo wearing glasses. period. i dno why. just makes me feel so bishie happy looking at it. :D looks too cool. too cool. and guess wad?
pootato.org is backkk ! :D yay ! it's not suspended anymore ! hanakimi bishie-ness~ but i've alr finished that series. wahaha. ;p
well back to my ichigo bishie-mania. looking all over the web for that. if ure wondering wads tt go to:
i just love the title name. hahahaha 05:28 p.m.bottled memories
Friday, December 24, 2004
i spoke too soon.
hais. dont think about it . dont talk about it. it really sucks. eurgh.
finally finished my hanakimi. :D another shoujo down and one (?) more to go if i can find it. but so far only have up to vol 2 on e net. rahhh.
wanna cut my hair. wanna cut my hair. no money. someone sponser me a few more bucks please? 06:14 p.m.bottled memories
Thursday, December 23, 2004
waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa stupid hanakimi. dl online GOT SOME PARTS MISSING!!! i've got no money to buy that series!! waaaaaaa. and i still wna follow another series. waaaaaaaaaa. argh. beta stop my obsession before it becomes even more full blown. sch's starting in like less than 2 weeks??? so damn fast man. argh.
band prac today..well the band was really lively. even joke with the conductor while playing! i was like, they can do such things?? in sngs the band pracs are pure torture hell. u just sit thr, play and quaver under the ms sia's rule. nothing and absolutely everything has to go her way. and everyone just stays silent and either if you're in her good books she'll b super nice to u thru the whole band prac and if u're not, like me, u'll either be ostracised or looked down upon. it sucks man..in the bnad pracs there ever since mrs wong left. waaaaaa. if i got into that band i really need to adjust myself back to that kinda environment.
well God knows the best for me so i'm going to pray. waaaaa. everyone thinks all the jcs i'm going are bad. well they're not TOO bad i guess. ): its rly okay wad. esp innova. well the principal looks really scary and such but i still think a change is good lar. i mean, being in a new sch and starting everything anew. wahaha. i even thot o a sch uniform design..haha. cos innova doesnt have its own uniform and everything's going to be decided by us during the first 3 mths. d;, cool aint it? haha..
made a new layout for my gbk. but ive got no idea whether it's uploaded or not. argh i dont care anymore. eurhg. my internet access if CRAP. all the data miners always hack into the ISP port for ntohing and slow the bloody comp down till i always have to restart all the time. @#$%#&@$%
oh well i crapped enough. 12:11 a.m.bottled memories
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
dno why. but i wanted to blog this last night. had a really good dinner plus a whole plate of spicy stingray for MYSELF with lots and lots of garlic to chew on. after that had great carrot soup and a bowl of pineapples for dessert. just felt really sated and satisfied. haha..and my stomach bloated till it looks like some pregnant lady. really huge. come to think of it i havent been doing sit ups or any stomach exercises since o levels..the only exercise i get is from eating too much and bloating up before i digest and it goes down again. :D hahahaha... 11:04 a.m.bottled memories
Sunday, December 19, 2004
i can't talk to my dad. our ideals crash and we can't compromise at all. it's crap. always end up argueing with each other becos we have our own stands and it really sucks. now feels like i'm drifting further and further away from him. he was talking to me about going into sci stream which i was offered but i insisted in going arts. hello. it's not like the salary matters cos i'm like, not planning anything real big in the future and God (Praise Him) will be taking care of that for me. he's so depressive in talking about what science stream getting higher salaries than art stream. well hello do they ACTUALLY look that far? i mean, the jobs dont even look at which stream u went into in JC ? the thing is, you dont even put that in ur resume when u go look for a jobb!!
wa sucks la. hate it. dont care i'm going into arts stream. going to appeal tmr to transfer into arts if my appeal to nyjc is not successful. lol.
argh and he actually says that he's not forcing me to go when all his intentions are 'go go go'?? into a stream which i cant score and have no interest or passion in it?! please.
then this made me think, why can i communicate with my piano teacher beta than him?? and she's not even my family member. what's more amazing is tt she's an adult, n she can understand and share my exp with me.
argh.
hais. i'm broke, i'm drifting away from my fam members, i'm closing up, i'm focusing in my manga again, and it just directs me into the path of a loser. ARGH. cannot cannot!!
dear God, i pray for some good changes in my life. 11:37 p.m.bottled memories
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
man. i'm hooked on bishiies again! :D gosh. i seem to think bishies are more goodlooking than the real ones. hahaha. i'm mad. just like jiamin. but her taste in bishies a bit funny. POT bishies are NOT goodlooking! hurphhs. lol. anyway. i'm looking up on scans of my bishies~ :D hahaha. maddness` this is called pure indulgence, ya know. ;p tmr cls gathering. hope it'll b a success. but ANYWAY. gotta deal with piano first. ARGH. 07:22 p.m.bottled memories
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
i feel like puking blood. maybe i'm jsut paraniod or wad. but i'm starting to think maybe this gathering is really a bad idea after all.
i shldnt have put my big nose into this project. at first it seemed so great and all. ah well. now the feeling's starting to fade away to panic and despair and desparation and uncertainty on the percent on it being a sucess.
maybe i'm just paraniod, or maybe i'm starting to see reality in this dream i'mk having of a great reunion. you know, i really need a reality check. someone please shake me out of this nightmare. 10:40 p.m.bottled memories
Sunday, December 12, 2004
oh my frigging god. wad happened to my entries?!?! 01:58 a.m.bottled memories
Saturday, December 4, 2004
i've got nothing to do at home now. going to start piano next week. argh. somehow i'm not looking forward to it tho. really sucks to go back to something that you dread every week. but funnily enough it's also something which i like very much. playing the piano. sigh. now feel like exercising but my back now hurts whenever i move or laugh or talk loudly cos of yest trng's 40 pushups. ONLY 40 and i'm aching already. not to mention after i did the push ups i couldnt spar properly after that. 3 persons sparring with shuhui and liying. O___________O got kicked by shuhui and i block, then that liying just stand there watch...then kena got yelled at by sir why white tip never fight?!? ahahaha..so funny. i love my red hair still. hee. but there's some aunties on the road with red hair and makes me feel so old. :/ W#$%&^@$% 11:48 a.m.bottled memories
Wednesday, December 1, 2004
hee. grad's over! for the entry on this please go over to my retardd.pitas.com blog to read about it. i'm too lazy to transfer it back here. anw... i'm a red-hair from now onwards! well, temporarily tho. heehee. my hairdresser rocks. :D:D:D need to buy e coloured hair shampoo tho. hee. and i'm downloading inuyasha like mad! hahahhaa..watched till ep 56 i think. ^______________^ and i'm enjoying ever moment of inu. hahahha. i'm mad yes yes yes. okay i'm going over to nyjc's tuning in on fri...hope it'll turn out fine. think i'm going to get someone to go with me...haha. 06:11 p.m.bottled memories
Sunday, November 28, 2004
oh man. i dno how i spent my 230 bucks this week. seriously. reduce to only like 30 plus bucks?!?!? arghhhh. O_O hais. bot everthing i nd alraedy. just hope i can do it up myself well.
saw derrick just now. O_O scary. oh well. just watcehd evangelion. 2 ep..it's damn nice. but damn freaky. #$%$&@ well at least it's beta than naruto. naruto is rubbish lah.
tmr grad. mixed feelings. just mixed. dno how to describe them. cat high have their grad today. wonder how daniel and yaoqin and my pri mates are fairing. wonder how's our grad gonna be like. grad...the last day in sngs. well not exactly, but last day as a sec. student. just a funny thot..feeling..like we're young adults before we know it. it's too quick. 08:18 p.m.bottled memories
Sunday, November 28, 2004
i found my heaven. ^_____________________^
http://ichigos.com/animemusic/i.shtml
wahahahaha! all the anime music sheets i need. heh. all those i've been looking for AGES. lucky for forums and good people who share in this world. hee.
its already 2.30am i havent sleep..oh mann finally found my himura kenshin score..i love that mp3 the most out of all the bg music in RK..gosh..cant wait to find time to play..wahahaha..
talking about piano havent contacted my piano teacher for ages. sigh..after grad i must resume piano. finish my grade 8 and move on with diploma. well..am grateful for piano for one thing..i'm able to play these great music. :D
yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..my heaven..i shall dl all the music i want to my pleasure..wahahahah..sheesh my grammer is getting worse than usual..gotta read more books.
watching inuyasha movie 1 and 2..both sucks..it totally focuses on inu and kag man. didnt talk about the team work rimiko was trying to reach out thru the manga. !#$!#$^@#$% reading her previous work 'ranma1/2'. well all i can say is that she's a genius man. she can mix so many stuff together and make the plot go so smoothly and yet to lifelike. well..not exactly but to that extent yea. even tho the manga seems to stupid but to look at it at another angle it really is a piece of a well acclaimed work. hahaha..
reading naruto now too..just cannot understand why my friends like that manga so many. it's really stupid and the main guy doesnt seem to end up like the main guy and he alwasy repeats wad he says and i get bored and skip most of the detail.
and yea! chalet chalet chalet! 1-2 dec! hee..so excited..^_____^ lets all go suntan and hope that my stupid da yi ma goes away by that time too! no! that da yi ma must go away BEFORE grad!! argh! #%@#$%^!@% or else have to get o.b. hais wad i'm talking about i'm going mad. 02:30 a.m.bottled memories
Saturday, November 27, 2004
i hate people who are not fair. my sis has a job. she's only in sec 2. when i asked to get a job they denied. when she wants one they allow. wad the fuck is going on around here. who's being the elder? i feel so left out. like a stranger or prisoner in the household. it's not like i cant take care of myself. fuck off people. u say u give me freedom. wad fuck freedom you're talking about if u only let me out? then restrict me again if i piss u off. u can do wadever u want, then make me do the opposite. wad the fuck is your morality and your claims of setting an example for ur kids? huh? u wna question my pastor, why dont u fuck off and question urself first? u dont think u dont have anything wrong, and when i point those out u fucking say im wrong and dont admit it. say, who's being unfair now? when u fucking declare and scream i'm unfair to u.
i'm like a prisoner in the house. its so fucking unfair. all my life revolve around the comp ps2 and my books. i fucking going to get a volunteer job somewhere when i reach 16. spca here i come. 03:31 p.m.bottled memories
Saturday, November 27, 2004
seems like a longgggg time since i updated here..anw..i learnt pool yesterday! :D:D:D very fun! tho i kept loing and most of the time i couldnt hit any balls at all but i managed to play! XD hee..anyone wna play with me?
haha..grad prep is so annoying. bot a dres.. (NOT a gown) cos i dont see a point with buying a gown when u only wear once..and bot my heels yest. jeez i hate buying shoes..lucky had my friend to help me pick out. the heels are not tt high..i think arnd 2 inch but i have difficultly walking already! haiis..
missed band camp os i totally forgot about it. lucky i had to do up the grad video and stayed in sch till late..so managed to hear the trumpet sounding dinner so went down and grabbed a bite. d: thanks for the food! well..the camp seemed a bit more fun and relaxing than last time..a bit messy too i guess. oh well...just heard from wong that they decided on el camino or sth for syf piece. nth to say except..to sigh. :/ well my section would know the reason why.
gotten back to tkd lessons! :D attained the belt level high enough to spar with people and fighting is so fun! hahaha..but yest's lesson gotten kicked in the leg..kinda swollen up a bit. but still v fun man. havent sweat for a lonnnnnnggggggg time and yay! managed to. feel so much healthier now. hee.
gotten hooked on inuyasha..that show on central at night. ^_^ i watched till ep 36 on some site already..and read the manga..realised the translation and the crwe who show inuyasha really sucked. last ep they cut off some parts of the show and last night they translated the whole phrase wrongly. like 'he's very petty!' became 'he's smitten in love!'. after i saw that i got a good laugh. serisouly! they call themselves translators?!?!? hahaha..those people online translate better than them! hahaha..
okay i'm just totally crapping..waiting for grad to be over then i can officially do other stuff than worrying about my make up and accessories. i really dont know wad to do with them. :/ help? 11:26 a.m.bottled memories
Thursday, November 25, 2004
bot my gown yest. finally. :/ actually its not really a gown but a dress. A DREALLY EXPENSIVE DRESS. O_O 94 bucks. fuck i feel cheated somehow. anw thanks bobo and wen for coming out with me to get it..like this is the 2nd time we walked so long to get that stupid grad dress??? i shldnt have wanted to go grad. come to think about it its really a waste of time. rahhh.
noticed my hair getting out of hand..even after i started using conditioner. its so rough! bah. going to get it cut and prolly if its not too ex im going to highlight it. dont care what my parents say already. i dont wna turn up in grad with white hair among black.
okay registered for pae already. its really damn scary. hope i can get into nyjc. praying mann..people pray for me too? its my first choice..sigh..i'm so scared. 02:48 p.m.bottled memories
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
i need my inuyasha druggggggggg. ): i'm completing the online series up to only ep 36. there's like 100 plus more to go? rahhhhhhh. ): and it's stuck at some stupid cliffhanger. roah. i need my drug.
anyway. today's trng is reallyyy tough man. that stupid bian tai came. walao but i think he doesnt recognise me cos i've cut my hair n he hasnt seen me for like 1 yr already? tskkk. lucky he's gracious enough not to spar with me. kaos. i'm scared of him lorh. today sir pushed us by practising kicks again, then later we sparred non stop for 1/2hr. walao. really tired man. and count on my luck that i didnt eat dinner before going down so i nearly puked after i sparred. was so exhausted. still cant believe that bain tai let me off by not getting me to spar with him. he's really scary man. sir proved this point by letting him and guang sth and derrick to spar with him. three persons sparring. WALAOS. damn scary lorh. its really aggressive and they dont give or take any mercy. tht bian tai even hit the head of guang WITHOUT THE PROTECTIVE HELMET ON! O_O poor thing. but it's really freaky to watch. talking about mercy, that guang guy had been showing me mercy today tho. usually whenever i spar with him i always get hit on the head, not exactly hit but got aimed for e head showing that i left my head open instead of protecting it. then today he waited for me to hit him, and i get the feeling he's not taking advantage of my inexperience like he used to do before. O_O' oh well. but tis kinda surprising that i'm not back home with aches and pains, other than my arms n torso. i really cant do push ups at all. 12:46 a.m.bottled memories
Monday, November 22, 2004
i feel like a stranger in the household. damn. after o's started to quarrell with my parents AGAIN. i miss those days when i can give excuses of relaxing n they wont bother me. or either that htey just leave the house to go over to the new one and i'm left all alone at home. that period of time is the best when they are not at home.
sometimes i just think how stupid they can be. i havent even finish my sentences they would start jumping into conclusion, and hence leading up to me getting angry and trying to explain myself. Then they would start getting angry BECAUSE they are either
well i dont see them getting angry over my sis becos o this kinda situations. its really very unfair. 04:41 a.m.bottled memories
Saturday, November 20, 2004
yay! finally the o levels are over! can celebrate~~ finally went down for tkd. :s sheesh got indirectly lectured about my attendance by sir. haha..then kena punished by sparring i guess. 'not serious!' bah. i hurt marina k! mann..i feel so sorry. not only practising kicking i kick until her big toe got injured, during sparring i nearly hit some guy's bird from inbetween his legs. gosh. O_O when did i become THAT violent. hahaha..then later went to eat supper with the gang. (: really enjoyed it tho we only ate like satay and drink that famous ice lemon tea. haha..that auntie v nice! she saw that me n sh's drinks lack of ice and poured some into it. (: hahha. yeaa..then dericck that those blk belters plus some guys who didnt turn up for tkd for a long tiem turned up tdy..and joined us for supper. but its not really tt way cos they sat and did their business in another table. :/ and left for bball in the nigh at aronud 1030??? they are mad. sheesh. and they just finished tkd traning! oh well.
am up now. :D watching inuyasha, ffx movie and looking thru e stuff my dad bot from thailan or somewhere.cool man! so many vcds and ps2 games! and my dad just bot e machine so its at e new hse there. i'm gna hog it. ^_^
oo he bot incredibles too..lalala. okay i shall go play to my heart's content. tata! 01:40 a.m.bottled memories
TOO SCHEXAY>> colorwalk.net/bleach/
(a) losing, cos they have nothing to argue back
(b)still feel that it's my fault
(c)just get angry because i'm angry at how they are reading the situation
(d)just get angry just because it's me.